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A few weeks ago, my mother looked at myspace page for the first time, and she was not happy.
She complained that I didn't mention her anywhere.
I talk about my wonderful husband,
and I brag relentlessly about my daughter,
but nothing about Mom.

So, I started thinking about what to say.
"I have a great mom!" Just didn't cover it.
She's a complicated woman.
I've been married to my husband for about 16 years;
My daughter is 26;
But, Mom has been there since the beginning -
the whole 48+ years!
I don't know how to sum her up in a few lines.

So, let me tell you a little of what I know about my mom:

She's the baby of the family,
had 1 sister, 3 half-sisters, and 3 half-brothers
(I think I remembered them all).
She didn't grow up with money, but did have a lot of love.
From what I understand, she was pretty spoiled, actually.
Her dad carried her everywhere until she was like 10,
and always called her, "Baby".

Mom's been through a lot of loss in her life.
Her mother died when Mom was just 30,
her dad when she was 38.
She lost her sister and best friend when she was 45,
And has lost 2 of her half-brothers and 2 of her half-sisters.
She and my father divorced when she was 47;
Her second husband, the love of her life,
died of lung cancer when she was 56.

Mom was diagnosed with cancer the first time when she was 33;
There have been 2 cancer diagnosis since then.

I've heard that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
I guess that's why she's so tough.
Just as an example, the last time she had cancer,
she had a masectomy and missed a grand total of exactly 5 days of work. She just tucked the drainage bags up under her shirt and carried on.
Radiation treatments every day for six weeks
(except weekends - cancer doesn't grow on weekends)
never slowed her down.
She scheduled her treatments for 7am every day,
and was at work by 8am.

Now, before I go any further, let me just say,
I'm not that strong.
A migraine can put me in bed for 3 days.
I used to think I was really a wimp,
now, I think I'm the more normal one.

Mom graduated from Little Rock Central High School in 1958 - you know, the one in your history books -
"The Little Rock 9", and all that.
I've learned a lot about that year from television.
From Mom, I learned that the National Guardsmen surrounding the school were really cute, and the gas station across the street (which is now a museum) was where she danced every morning.
She just doesn't get involved in whatever drama may be surrounding her.
She saves her energy for more important things -
like dancing.
I wish I could be more like that.

She married right out of high school, as was common at the time, and by the time she was 23, she was raising 4 children.
She had 3 (me at age 19; my sister at age 22; and my brother at age 23); and she was raising my cousin, who is 6 years older than me.
Why? Because he needed her.
A complicated situation led to it all -
but she's a bottom line kind of gal.
So, what mattered was that he needed to be there.

When I was 13, she had my baby sister;
and when I was 14, she took in 2 more cousins
(one who is mentally challenged and still lives with her).
During my teenage years, 2 other cousins lived with us from time to time.
I believe the most kids in the house at once were when we had 7 teenagers and one toddler.

We weren't wealthy by any means.
When I think back to my childhood, I guess we were really poor;
but I didn't know it at the time.
None of my friends had money either,
so in my mind, there were rich people that we saw on tv,
then there was everyone else.
We were just like everyone else,
or so I thought at the time.

Why did she raise all those kids?
They needed her.
Was it hard? Hell yes!
She's never said so, but she doesn't have to -
I was there.

I've heard that raising a teenager is like nailing jello to a tree.
Imagine 7 of them.

We were all expected to get jobs by the time we were 16.
If we wanted a car, we each bought our own.
Gas money, movie money, anything extra -
we worked for it.
We learned the value of a dollar,
but that's not why she did it.
There just wasn't any extra money.
She stretched her budget like saltwater taffy -
watered down ketchup and shampoo to make it last longer;
bought only the least expensive brands of everything,
and only on sale.
She would have enough to buy cookies sometimes,
and we would count them out, divide them up among the kids,
and hide them in our rooms.
Well, except my cousin Leon -
he would eat all of his, then beg for ours.
It seems like everything was a contest for us kids -
even the cookies.
The last one to still have cookies was the winner.
Sometimes I would pretend to eat all of mine,
then proudly present one when everyone else's were gone.

Before you start nominating her for sainthood,
let me assure you that she is definitely human.
She had a temper like hell's fury,
though she seems to have mellowed over the years.
When Mom was in one of her moods,
we all tried to be invisible.
She hit us too hard and too often,
and she could sure give Daddy what for.
Had I been in that situation,
I can't say for certain that I could have done any better.

But at the end of the day, she loved us.
That's what mattered most.
Remember? Bottom line gal.

By the way, she hasn't stopped taking in relatives.
Her half-brother, who is in his 80s, moved in a few months ago.
He can no longer live alone.
So, like many before, he went to live with Mom.
It's not easy.
She has osteoporosis and scoliosis, and weighs about half of what he does.
Still, she helps him up and down the stairs;
and pulls him out of the bathtub when he can't get up.
Not to mention cooking his meals, which he often refuses to eat;
making him take his meds; driving him to doctors; and taking him for regular pedicures.

People say things like,
"Your mother's gonna have an extra star on her crown when she gets to heaven."
What crap.
I mean really, once you get to heaven, who really cares?

What I want is for her to get as much love and care as she has given.
I believe she does and will.
Everything comes back - I believe in Karma.

Mom always wanted to go to Europe.
I went for my senior trip,
and always felt guilty that she couldn't afford to go.
She and my step-father had plans to travel when he retired,
but he didn't live long enough.
So, over the last few years,
I have been fortunate enough to go to Europe with Mom.
We've been to France & Italy & London.
Now she wants to go to the Orient.
That seems a little scary to me -
I just don't know enough about the culture,
and everywhere we go,
we stay lost at least half the time.
But, Mom usually gets her way.
Later this year, I expect to be lost in China.

The funny thing about Mom is,
she thinks nothing about all the things I've just told you.
Doing for others was never a big deal -
it's just what you do.

She identifies more with her career.
She's worked since she was 14.
 She started out at Sterling Store in downtown Little Rock.
She's been a waitress, which she liked a lot;
and a secretary.
About 33 years ago, she started working at the
Arkansas Society of Certified Public Accountants.
I guess she was a secretary;
there were only 3 employees, so her job description was pretty much,
"Everything."

Now, she's the Executive Director.
She is well-loved and well-respected by the 3,000 or so members; as well as her peers around the country.
She always looks beautiful and polished and professional.
Impeccable.

Which reminds me -
when I was a little girl, I always had the prettiest mom.
Whether at school, or church, or anywhere else -
my mom was always the prettiest.
I suppose a lot of kids think that,
for me, it was really true.
And, it still is.
Everywhere we go,
people are shocked that she's my mother.
They've always thought she looked too young.
"You must be sisters!" they'll say.
She loves it.
She'll look at me and smile as if to say,
"I've still got it."

I just shake my head and smile.
Yes Mom, you've still got it.

And I love you.